What Christmas does to me

Be still and know that I am God.

This is the statement that comes to mind as I get into bed for an afternoon nap after my half-day at work. The knowing that you are God part is easy. You have been my leader and saving grace since I could think. Why must there be a method in "how" we know that you are God. And why, then, does it seem to be the most difficult way? Difficult things seems to be a recurring theme among the scripture.

So this is me finally being still... Most of my Christmas shopping is finished, work won't resume for over a week, and the only plans ahead of me are this nap and visiting the Cowans, Kents, and Blackwells for our annual family-friends Christmas party tonight.

As my body sinks lower into my bed, I feel myself breathing deeper and slower. Stiller. Jen called in sick and will be bustling around the house to get herself organized. God, thank you for my family. You have truly blessed me for reasons beyond my understanding. I want to thank you for the opportunity to live with my sister and to learn who she is.

A thought: that being still allows for reflection, appreciation, and finally a time for heartfelt praise to you. The sentimental holiday season makes it a quicker process too.

I love you for being in control of my life so I don't have to. I am yours. Amen.



... just got an attitude from Jen. How ironic is THAT!?

12/22/2010

Wheew!!!

This is my one feeling after starting full time at the ADA. It's been almost two months since I began. I know this because it's three days until my 4th paycheck. It has been a while since my last blog post. This is why. With a 8-4:30 job plus an hour commute both ways, my days are limited. Especially during the weekends, which are my only social experiences, I am learning to fully take advantage. I feel like I have to take in every enjoyable moment of still being young, having free time, and hanging around people who don't give a crap about where the new location for the Tour de Cure is going to be or how the volunteer committee hierarchy is going to be planned out. Because I feel a sense of desperation to fully enjoy my weekends, I am in-turn, loosing sleep. This summer has been composed of a series of lake weekends and late nights in the Highlands. While I admit, it's a pretty sweet setup, I...am...exhausted! Sleep has become a last priority. As I have mentioned before, I have always been an avid extracurricular activist. On top of the fact that my job demands the occasional nights and weekends, I have also picked up a re-upholstery class at the local Joanns, committed to developing a golf handicap for next year's Father's Day Tournament, and signed on to be a 9th and 10th grade Sunday School teacher. Thank God that the Bachelorette season finale was last week! I feel like I am overwhelmed with things to do. TOnight is the first night when I have been able to come home after work, had nothing to do but have dinner with the family, turn on the first football game of the year (Baltimore vs Carolina), and take time to completely chill. ahh, feels good. I may even get to bed before 10!
I have discovered a few things about myself since being so ecompassed by the adult world: I literally need to talk. And not in a serious way - i need laughter and silliness and social time with people outside my office. I catch myself in coversation and spatting out sentences I'm not even aware of just because I seem to have the need for communication at all time. Hmm, it'll be interesting to see where THAT takes me!

8/12/2010

growing up

Tonight I am sitting down with my mother to a glass of wine while the water boils for dinner. It's a good night. We have been busy the past couple days preparing for a garage sale. As we rummage through childhood memories and old apartment decor, we both are reminded about how quickly the time passes. I realize how I have forgotten about so many things that were such a significant part of the preteen I use to be. I flipped through a few pages of my 4th grade journal: My enthusiasm and obsession for soccer was obvious throughout the pages with mention every few days. I talk about how my sisters are obnoxious and my best friends are the coolest. Playground activities, church choir and the girls group called G.A.s - for "Girl's in Action" were also mentioned several times in a few weeks. All these are things that have changed and put on the back burner. I quit playing soccer at age 14, I have a real relationship with my sisters (ones that I enjoy), and my friends, who are still pretty cool, have changed.

It's a funny feeling when you think of yourself as being the older twenty-something that was unimaginable at age 10. I am proud of myself actually. While living at home doesn't sound as good, I see signs of growing up. In addition to holding my tongue when I need to and accepting criticism from my mom... sometimes, I have built a resume, earned a college degree, and my unpaid internship has turned into a full time job. Yay!! I'll take this time to announce my official job title as Associate Manager for the American Diabetes Association. I will be continuing my commute to downtown Atlanta but with a few extra dollars to put away at the end of the day. Ah it feels good.
(for now - talk to me again after I start paying for the 1700 insurance bills I'll receive in a couple weeks)

6/10/2010

Defining Priority

Tonight I should be getting to sleep. Tonight I should be typing up an excel sheet for work. Tonight I should be reading scripture. Tonight I should be pondering my career path. Tonight I should be folding the laundry that has been sitting in the dryer all day, or tidying up my room, folding that blanket over there, or fixing lunch for tomorrow, or have gone for a run, or putting away my winter clothes, or clearing off the 1,2,3,4... 5, if you count the one in the bathroom, cups that have collected on my "office" table.

Tonight I should be stressing about how much I have to do and how little time I have to do it.

Tonight I remembered that quote, "don't put off until tomorrow, something that can be done today"

Tonight I remembered that I hadn't done a blog post in over a MONTH!!!! Priority rules.

Crazy Love

FAB - U - LOUS!!!!

Sunday night was my Christmas present from Mom to all the girls in the family, including herself. Only Dad was left out, who I think felt a little jealous. Since opening the origami fortune teller which had a picture of Michael and the date March 14th written on it, I have been memorizing his newest songs and falling more in love with swanky forties music and jazzy oldies.

Sunday night rolls around and I can feel the teenie-bopper inside me starting to "buble"-over.

This may embarrass me:
Michael came on stage accompanied with fire crackers and started the show off with a familiar tune. He was so great!!!! The whole time... GREAT!! I wish I could find a better way to show a more educated vocabulary but my excitement is disillusioning. Honestly, he was absolutely amazing! The combination of the tux, vintage dance swagger, MJ improv, heart felt melodies, sincerity in his lyrics, slight scruff on his neck, and a way of performing like he was singing to ME ONLY, was enough to drive any girl crazy. Literally, women of all ages were jumping, waving their arms, and shrieking like the people you see in the movies when Elvis thrusts his hips around. Oh baby! My personal experience is exceptional, though. I got luckier than every other person there because he was looking RIGHT AT ME when his eyes came anywhere close to my section of...what, 400 people? haha - snap out of it, Carole!

He left me feeling like He Just Hasn't Met Me Yet and that I could give him Crazy Love!! haha, was that appropriate? what the heck? I just want to see him again and again.

Honorable mention: opening act was surprisingly entertaining with their acapella show. Look 'em up: Naturally7

Side thought: How much does it cost to hire Michael Buble?

A day off

I made my lunch, picked out my outfit, went to bed early. The next day, this morning, was my first day at American Diabetes Association! A real unpaid, temporary, full time JOB! When my alarm went off I took advantage of my excitement and only pressed snooze once. After coffee, hair, make up, and one and a half blueberry muffins, I was running out the door to fight rush hour and listen to talk-radio like real adults do. I glanced at my laptop as I grabbed my keys, noticing one recent email. After a slight hesitation from debating how long it was going to take to check the email, I check the email.

Email is from my boss at Am. Diabetes saying she is sick and that I don't need to come in until Tuesday... "All dressed up and no place to go" (facebook status update in my moment of self pity)

With a text asking what I was going to do with my day off, I had a change of heart. A day off? That's right! Carole, take advantage! ...and so I did

Today's tasks consisted of: (1)starting Season Two of 30ROCK (2)matching returns with receipts (3)making returns while also making purchases (4)reheating leftover pizza (5)"training" for my half marathon(6)finishing Season Two of 30ROCK while blogging and next Ill be making my lunch for tomorrow, picking out of outfit, and going to bed early.

My thoughts on 30ROCK: hilaaarious. I love watching adults with the maturity level of teenagers but with clever banter that makes refernces to popular culture. My fav characters are Kenneth, the page and Alec Baldwin's sexy voice. Oh baby!

Training update: Two miles without stopping today!!

13.1 bound

I looked in the mirror thats provided for me in the basement here at my parent's house. It's a floor-to-ceiling, two door mirror that makes for a full-body reflection. Eee! Time to get down to business!
Today I started my training. My goal: 13.1 miles by April 24th. So far I can run one mile, walk half, then run again until the two mile marker. If anything, it's a start...
The race is the half marathon in Nashville. Not only am I doing this to boost myself esteem, start pumping some positive edorphins, but most importantly, get skinny. If that isn't enough, we've got about five people participating and I am honestly excited about the road trip! I've never been out in "Nash-Vegas".
I'm comforted in the fact that I have done it once before, about three years ago, with my sister, Jenni. I took an entire year off afterward to recover... Every once in a while now, I go through a two week phase of running and exercising. I havent run in about a month now. Things are about to change. This is not a new year's resolution, those never work. This is a "get serious or get chubby" deal!

Here we go!

Movie Review

I had heard it was profound. That was the only word Jenni could use when I asked her about it but her expression gave more. I knew it would be a good one.



Last night I saw The Book of Eli.



Please understand that I am a sensitive person when it comes to movies. However you are suppose to feel during a scene, I feel that way times ten! This is why I don't watch scary movies.
This movie had me amped up with emotion by the time I left. It took me a few minutes to get back to normal blood pressure. Have you ever felt that way or am I the only one? After a movie, it feels odd to go back out into reality. I was so distracted by the movie, that I forget that real life exists, temporarily, of course.

The movie was dramatic. It began with a depressing story of anger and killing. Not unusual for my man Denzel. After yet another murderous rampage topped off with an assumed rape, I turned to my date expressing my regrets for watching such an unsettling film. With knees brought to my chest for comfort, the movie changed course and began the road to one of the best, most gratifying movies I had seen in a long time. I was encouraged by Denzel's motivation and was intrigued by the fictional story of life after "it happened". If you ask me, I define a great movie with it's ability to effectively bring its audience to feel a wide variety of emotions while skillfully transitioning to each. Thank God for comic relief!

I strongly recommend the movie to anyone. Even those who don't like gory scenes, it is worth it in the end.

Atlanta Socialites

Atlanta Socialites: trendy, beautiful, confident, booze-lovers, pocket-full-a-business cards.
As a volunteer doorperson at Atlanta's chic, Aurum Lounge, I interacted with each person who walked in. The event: an issue release party for the Atlantan magazine. Guests: any and every contributor and mentionable, plus guest. I met artists, designers, chefs, and entrepreneurs. Starry eyed, I oogled over the high fashion and social etiquette of these elite Atlantians.

As the night progressed, I picked up on what seemed like a celebrity atmosphere but which turned into a mere party for the post-college who were born to live in the city. These people can gab and network with the best of them. Conversations centered around what you do, where you live, where you shop, where you eat, who you know, and how you've established yourself. It's fitting for the issue celebrated, "The Gold Standard", featuring Atlanta's bests in every category. Atlanta's best, including people, apparently. When I say best, I mean best-known.

For a quick how-to guide, to be "in" with this crowd:

1. Go to be seen
2. Smile... but not all the time
3. Always have something to say
4. Have a job
5. Visit art galleries
6. at least be able to recognize the big designers
7. Go to the popular restaurants but don't eat the food (skinny show-offs)
8. Have business cards in an easy-to-reach pocket and have a reason to give it out within the first two minutes of conversation. (comical to watch!)
9. Forget your insecurities. Especially if you are the youngest one there, wearing a borrowed outfit and shoes that don't go, never been to an art gallery, don't know designers, can't afford to go to restaurants, love food, and don't have business cards because you don't have a job!

It's this kind of scene that is inticing and if you can keep up, it even borders thrilling! The Aurum Lounge provides for a sophisticated place to taste the trendy new beverages (TYKU and Sapporo) or go for the old favorites of vodka-cranberry or your gin-n-tonic. I may be biased because of the people in attendance but I would bring my own group here on a weekend if we were in the mood to wear our heels (which means I would be braving the crowd measuring in at a mighty 6'3'').

Can't wait!

Rainy day

A friend of mine calls days like this "A heavy day". This is because you feel like stayin at home, curling up in a blanket, watchin movies, and...well you get the picture. I am a big fan of heavy days but I also get anxious and bored pretty easily. While my sister, Sallie, trys to study, I can't be dancing and singing and chatting. Yes, I'm 23 yeras old but when I can't exercise, my energy is released in musical themes. For some reason, which I have yet to figure out, people find it obnoxious.

Today my heavy day consists of even more home decorating. I'm painting the basement. I am finally covering up the tacky, vineyard-inspiried mural that was so graciously left, four years ago, by our preceeding owners.

It was easier than I had originally thought. I rolled over the meticulous, handpainted artwork with vigor. The best way I know how to explain my emotion it this. It's a similar gratification when you see a day old sandcastle at the beach and make the devilish decision to run and jump right on top of it! Ah, it feels good!

With one coat finished, Mom has run to get the "Fig Leaf" (dark green) paint for the lower half of the room - a bead board. We will finish coat number two and start on the bead board. Love it!

p.s. Heavy days are also for mindless blogging!

toilet-half-full

I'm moved back with my parents and making the basement my new home. It's pretty exciting: I've got a finished living room, tv, sofas, my own bedroom, my own bathroom. I also have my own entrance to come and go as I please. Given the unemployment situation at hand, I have got it pretty good!

I am even more excited to get another chance to do one of my favorite hobbies, decorating! Granted, I'm reusing just about everything that was in my apartment but I've made use of some great substutions I got out of my parents' storage unit. At the request of my mom, and in opposition to my dad's opinion, my next big project is painting over the lovely scape of a vineyard on the walls in the basement... The couple who lived here four years ago owned a wine and liquor shop so there are several hints of it around the house, tacky and not.

Back to my point, Im excited about my new living space! I've put hard work into hauling furniture and boxes up and down the stairs... did you catch it? :"Up AND down" - the stairs. That's right, twice I have brought things down into the basement and then had to remove them again, only to repeat the same process again. This is because the first time I use the bathroom downstairs I realize, the carpet is completely soaked! Ironically my parents had received a shop-vac for Christmas from the previous inhabitants of the basement... interesting! It takes every single towel in the house and me pressing them into the carpet to soak up the fowl smelling sewer water - which runs clear, thank God!

At this point, we're all pretty confused as to what had gone wrong. Turns out the toilet is wired kinda strangely and I'm told some kind of breaker had flipped off. It was fixed and the next day I move my stuff back down. Also the next day, Sallie uses the toilet... this time I bring only my clothes back upstairs to prevent them from acquiring the odor. I get the shop vac and do it to it. I figured out where the water was coming from and was able to sit there holding the shop vac over the leak as it came out for about 20 minutes. Less messy.

After my dad had fiddled with the breaker again, I am hesitant to use the toilet. BUT the breaker has been put in the right position and I had not used it all day. My parents and I got back from Athens (the night the Dawgs beat Tech!), and I test it out... nothing! We're good! No leaks! Oh baby what a good night! It doesn't get much better than this! Dawgs win and the toilet works! woooo hoooo!

The next morning I wake up and flush with confidence. After breakfast I return... But I'm stopped by an old familar shitty stench. I sprang from the stairs to see what was the matter! (I love Christmas)

Turns out I just didnt flush.... ha, just kidding.
Crapit, sorry, "carpet" is wet again and had been leakin since breakfast. This time, I remove only what I was to wear for the next couple days. In an hour the shop vac is full and burnin up and the towels are all dripping wet, literally. Yuck.

It took a full day of removing coroded parts of the the toilet and pieces of the wall, replacing PVC pipes, and making a complete mess of my hard work in making a nice place to live. Being a toilet-half full kinda girl, though, I can see the positive out of this. All in all, I can't really complain. I'm living for free, for cryin out loud!

Nothing seems as bad when you're not the one paying. Yes, my friends, I... am a happy crapper... I mean camper!

Job Prowling

The hoop-lah involved with graduation: the announcements, the cap-n-gown, commencement ceremony, the family get-together, and then the inevitable job search. It’s an ironic situation that you celebrate the entrance into the harsh reality of complete independence and grown-up responsibilities. In the two weeks I have been an unemployed graduate, I have learned something about the ways of the world. The term “search”, used in job search, is an understatement, if not, completely misleading. In an economy like this one and the desperate fight for positions, the process may be more accurately termed job prowling. I once heard a friend say,

“It used to be that having a college degree gave you the upper-hand. Now everyone goes to college so you have to find some other way to set you apart”.

How true of a statement. My thoughts on this made my extracurriculars justifiable. I also gained professional experience interning and taking on jobs that would benefit me in a future full-time position. I was ready… yeah right! Still, I find myself, interviewing around Atlanta, making contacts, not getting call-backs even after resurrecting every previous experience in my 23 yrs that could potentially be of interest to employers … nothing. What is disheartening through it all, is that I felt this same rejection when applying for internships over the semester. I knew already! It’s hard!

I admit I have a stubborn personality. I have never been one to handle, well, being told how to do the various things that life dishes out. Please understand, this has nothing to do with my willingness to learn or my curiousity for new experinces. Also, if I need help,I am more than willing to ask for it. I merely have the determination to figure it out on my own, I learn better that way, in fact. In job prowling, I want to prove to myself that I am a capable individual. Because the society says to appreciate criticism, I take the advice given to me. Yes, it helps. The general consenus after two weeks in the hunt: Network. If it's about who you know, prowling is taken to a whole new level. One that brings out the high school drama of who likes who better. The difference, the popularity contest weeds out those without without a decent Bachelors degree and a bit of work experience. I've witnessed how many companies will only interview those who have been referred. After that, its down to who can fancy-up their resume, sweet talk the way through an interview, and sound as professional as possible.

I need more practice, I think. That's right, not more job experience, not a higher level of education, not a higher GPA, but more practice. I'm a cub in the unemployment world. I have friends who have found their prey and can tell me where the flock of antelope gather, but I need more practice in pouncing!

The result of networking thus far: some phone conversations and one meeting. It's a start. Wish me luck!