Living By Yourself: Lesson Four

Busy is good.

One - being busy means you're are getting things done

Two - being busy means you have a purpose

Three - being busy gives you something ELSE to complain about at 7:24pm as I am getting off a conference call and still have minutes to send, emails to create, and reports to submit.

It's nights like these when I just want to instantly be home, showered, fed, and finishing up the remainder of my wine.

Ok positive thoughts to distract me from spiraling out of control and filling out my two weeks notice:

- when I leave, it will be after rush hour

- I don't have too many social obligations that pull me away from work anyway

- its dark and lonely at the office but at least there's security that patrols the area

-working late is an excuse to order takeout for dinner!

- work hard = play hard so this weekend I can get real crunk!

Long hours are actually a lot working out. It takes a lot to get yourself pumped up for it, it's torture as you're doing, Pandora helps get you through the tough times, you speed through the very end so you can finally just be done, but then when it's done, you are so glad it's done and you don't have to stress about the negative repercussions for having been lazy if you didn't do it...

Ok this has turned into a self pep talk so now I'm off to fight diabetes!!!

11.08.11

Southern Living inspired Miami apartment

View from the balcony

In my desperate attempt to leave the accounting, economics, and fancy so-called "math" classes that make up the beginnings of a business degree, I seriously considered interior design.

Reason being:

1 - i am not good at accounting

2- i like art

3 - i am easily inspired by DIY projects

4 - people in artsy majors seem cool

My love of mixing patterns and appropriately using words like "texture" and "negative space" can only take me so far and thus home decor resumed its position as a mere hobby.

After moving to Miami, and for the first time having all MY things in the apartment together, I can finally get a full sense of MY style . I'm pretty satisfied with it, given my lack of financial resources. If I could explain my style I would say it's a Southern Living Magazine-inspired collaboration of organic tones and geometric patterns. I would compare it to a Pier 1 Imports-wannabe but still influenced by my Atlanta family history, HGTV, and re-purposing.

My sofa arrived after 9 weeks (boo Haverty's) and my naked apartment felt like a cozy home at last. No more dinners on the floor! No more pretending to relax scrunched up in a wing-back chair! No more lonely empty space! ...Hmm, is my apartment transformation paralleling my own Miami perspective? The installment of my sofa inspired me to finish up a few DIY projects to complete my look including painting the desk and shelves and finishing the upholstered chair (seen below). Get your hopes way up, let's take a tour and check out my new digs!

LIVING ROOM!

Okay so it may be a bit bare as of now but its a work in progress. I'm thinking a different chunky floor lamp to compliment my over-sized wall piece and maybe a stencil up the wall behind the table lamp... oh baby that's the ticket!

BEDROOM WALL!

Frames! Frames! Frames! These trusty frames have been with me through the good times and bad, including the pink and lime green phase of freshman year. Now matured with yet another coat of spray paint and the cheesy sorority photos are replaced with one of my fav low cost decor items: decorative wrapping paper, these frames are arranged in a new way to cover the huge white wall in my bedroom.

FUN PIECE!

One of the things I love about my mom is her creative thinking. REPURPOSE!!! This $20 porch railing from Home Depot was going to be used as my headboard (cool!) until we realized the wall was impenetrable concrete. Aaaand so it was repurposed again as a free standing shelf-like thingy! Now those cheesy photos I couldn't throw away have a home again! Love it!

TV ROOM!

Hmm still trying to figure out how to make this area look better. The makeshift entertainment center is awkwardly small but this was the best I could figure by putting a bunch of other pieces around it. I'm currently taking suggestions here. What do you think: allover wall stencil? buy one more mini bookshelf? Hanging lamp in the corner?

KITCHEN!

I am one of the lucky remaining few in my 1960's building with its original kitchen intricacies including the pale pink whatever you call this pressed wood-like stuff with plastic coating counter tops. Not to mention the accompanying cafeteria-style lighting serves as a perfect early morning jolt on my way to the coffee machine. Not much I can do here but please enjoy the blast to the past and my first pieces of my copper kitchenware collection.

next steps:

1. Upholster a chaise

2. Stencil my wall

3. Make one of those hanging lamps from doilies

4. Then beach because it's prettier there than in here and essentially its seemingly further away from all things "business".

Living By Yourself: Lesson Three

Lesson Three: Friends are the key to sanity

I hate when I think of a clever title based on what I want to write about then start typing and it just doesn’t go anymore. I want to share how I have a friends I can text/call/hang with, somewhat standardly, now and I also want to share my self-proclaimed clever title. The title was “Search and Rescue”. I thought to myself, in actual sentences (do most people do that!?), this little play on words is fitting in that I am the search-er for friends and my new friends are (overdramatically) rescuing me from my biggest fear, loneliness.

This title became a little too heartfelt and borderline serious when I’m actually feeling really excited!

[ok, it’s settled. Someone is definitely grilling hotdogs somewhere closeby. But why would they do that just a couple days before 4th of July weekend!? Two hot dog dinners in one week? Hmm maybe not so bad]

I remembered journalism class recommended using recognizable quotes to attract attention so I'm thinking of a “friends” quote. I had to Google a quote about friends because the only one I know is from Sex in the City, the one about friends being your soul mates, and after having it painted on a canvas from a fellow FAB for FAB_Christmas 2005, I didn’t want to taint it with my sometimes-and-more-often-than-not cheesiness.

This is the quote I found:

A good friend is a connection to life - a tie to the past, a road to the future, the key to sanity in a totally insane world. ~Lois Wyse

Ah this is perfect in so many ways! Including the fact that it mentions the word “Key” which is technically a Miami-themed word! chuh ching!!

Now that that's over, here is my actual blog post:

I am feeling pretty good right now. I’m on the balcony enjoying the breeze and taking my one-a-day. Not the women’s multi-vitamin but my daily glance at the bay to remind myself that I live in Miami. Looking at the clouds, it may rain in a few minutes but Im embracing the cool air while I can. And if I’m going to complete the scene for you, I’m laying on a towel (b/c I cant afford outdoor furniture and haven’t scrubbed the tile since the tornado of 40-yr old dirt and grime that was set free during Stage One of the reupholster process to my new chaise. Stage One is removing the gross and hideously plaid fabric that almost fooled me before I ignorantly decided it was a gem after a little touch of my very amateur skills yet excitedly hopeful fantasy of the DIY possibilities.) - wow long sentence but Word doesn’t underlined it in green! Im keeping it.) enjoying too much sushi and too much vino (that's "wine" in Spanish ;))

I’m feeling good tonight because things are looking up for me! Yes the job is fine but who cares about that? Today I realized I have friends!!! I texted the couple that lives in my building about how I heard of a restaurant close to us called Cvi che 105 and we need to add that to our list of things to do. Who says that to someone who not your friend?!

These people aren’t familiar with my sickeningly badly titled blog so I can talk about them freely. I met Jeremy and some of his friends because he was helping a friend move out of the building the same day I was moving in. After passing them several times during the day, we started saying those funny little things that you say to someone who you share an elevator with once a week or see at the gym all the time but have never actually had a full conversation with. Things like, “hey… yall still workin hard? ... Yeah same, wish this thing would chaise me instead. Haaaaaa! ok, see ya!”

Ugh – just embarrassing, really

But toward the end of the day I saw they had plenty of manual labor ahead with one small pick up truck. I offered a trade- if they would help us with the heavy things like my mattress, dresser, etc, they can borrow our moving truck… oh, AND we have to be BFFs!!!

Turns out one of the movers, Jeremy, lives in the building! He may be the nicest person I’ve ever met under 65. He and his girlfriend, Alyssa, who was equally as welcoming and friendly, invited me to $10 Pasta Night with them and a couple of their friends. YAY, PLANS!

I joked with Kel that making friends is like dating. I wanted them to like me!!! What do I wear? What do I say? Kel asked if they wanted a 3-some, ha! (Btw, it’s even more funny when it’s Kel making the jokes bc it’s either unintentional or unexpected.)

Dinner was SO FUN!!! The group seems like people I would normally hang out with. Casual, energetic, funny, and love wine! I was ecstatic to find them in this foreign country. The only difference is that I think they make a ton of money based on their job titles. Reminder!!!! I work in non-profit and can’t afford plastic outdoor furniture and have to reupholster my own chair.

I met J&A again this weekend for a day at Virginia Beach. I don’t mind being the third wheel. Thank God for friends, right?! It's the "key" to sanity! And how can you not enjoy yourself at the beach – Virginia “Key” Beach, to be exact! We gabbed about the content of our magazines, the best places to visit in Miami, what to do for dinner, and who knows what else. Feels like home! (Awe, I miss home, though) Maybe I won’t turn out to be the insecure lazy, messy, hoarder I’ve been dreading after all.
BUT I’m here in Miami, I feel connected to life and people, and the future is looking bright = another Miami-themed play-on-words! The sun is literally brighter here. Really, I had to buy darker sunglasses.

I'm going to end today's post here because as I'm nearing the end of my wine, Ce Lo Green’s, “Forget You” (so damn catchy!!) is making my arms and shoulders shake too much to keep typing. Chao, amigos!

For your continued enjoyment, here are some other quotes I liked while surfing Google for “friends” quotes:
If I had to sum up Friendship in one word, it would be Comfort. ~Terri Guillemets

A friend is the one who comes in when the whole world has gone out. ~Grace Pulpit

Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art.... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival. ~C.S. Lewis

Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend. ~Plautus

Strangers are just friends waiting to happen. ~Rod McKuen, Looking for a Friend – almost used this one since it’s so appropriate to my situation.

The bird a nest, the spider a web, man friendship. ~William Blake – um, someone help me figure this one out

6/30/11

Living By Yourself: Lesson Two

Lesson Two: Give Yourself a Break

It's day three of the first full work week here in Miami. Day three of coming home from work and spending the evening in my almost upholstered chair watching more television than my entire last month of TV combined!

Preparing myself for the move, I have accepted the fact that I’ll be a little lonely. Getting here, it started immediately and I’m ok with it so far. Things I didn’t expect Laziness, messiness, and the tidal wave of self awareness.

I have never been an avid TV watcher. Don't get me wrong I can get caught up in a Project Runway or Golden Girls marathon just as easily as the next person but, day after day, I just don’t keep up with shows or even the news and weather. Really, the most TV I watch is because I am watching it with someone else and it’s what they like.

For example: I watched Greys Anatomy and Dexter in college with my roommates, I was up on the NCAA tournament and dancing with the Stars when I move back home, I became obsessed with the Bachelor when I lived with my sister, and cried over the Biggest Loser with roomie, Ann Marie. I just never seemed to, idk, have time, care enough, direct my attention long enough, something.

This is not the point, though. Moving here, I don’t have to work late, I don’t have friends to see or go eat out with. I haven’t cared to get back into running. I have so many things I could do, just around the house: sew, organize my craft boxes, go to the store for paint and remove the nasty fabric from my new chaise. But no. No, thanks. All I end up doing is sitting for hours…. HOURS!!!! Watching idiotic tv shows. Entertaining, yes, but its TV!!! The phone rang today and I actually scared myself thinking it was my Mom calling to see what I was doing and ashamed, I’d have to say NOTHING. NO, I haven’t made friends yet, no I haven’t bought the shelf elbows, no I haven’t cooked a meal yet, no I haven’t finished my chair or my chaise, no I haven't done ANYTHING. Ugh, that would be terrible… and with no excuses but the TV. But it was only AT&T calling to confirm that the internet was installed and working properly.

After Modern Family I convinced myself it was time for bed. With motivation of having a mission to accomplish, I brushed my teeth and washed my face – something that doesn’t always happen :/. While the business of the rinse-and-spit and frowing over blackheads finally started to bore me, I noticed the clothes on the floor left from a few nights before and the new shower head and drain clog stopper were in their original, nonchalant places as they had been for days now. Tonight, I told myself to JUST FREAKIN PICK IT UP! Seriously! How hard is that?

The clothes went into the laundry basket but the store bought items can't be used until maintenance arrives and I can play charades with him, since I now live in Miami and everyone speaks a language which I do not. Items go into the drawer. The mere five seconds its takes to complete this task inspires me to tidy up even more. I push the spare frames and unused décor neatly under the bed, and move into the living room to get my cereal bowl (banana cherrios for dinner 3 nights in a row now (delish!). I tidy the kitchen by unloading the dishwasher, which finally works now that the landlord had to come up here and fix it by turning the knob just 45 degrees further to the right than I had been turning it.... I re-adjust a shelf displaying yet another decorative serving tray and my pass-ee-down copper kettle ("...and warm woolen mittens" lalala love Sound of Music).

Back to my overall point of becoming messy, I have to give myself a break, it wan’t THAT much clutter and I hadn't left it for THAT long. But as I was tidying, it seemed like I was on the verge of something terrible! The corner of the bedroom was full of stuff and when I took it away, the room was clear yet somehow desolately empty. Loneliness flashed his sneaky little face. Maybe that mess keeps me company and then, what if I WANT it to be messy? or what if messiness becomes my comfort instead of friends because im lazy and messy, and my thoughts are going haywire and IM GOING TO BE A HOARDER LIKE THOSE PITIFUL PEOPLE ON TV!!!

note to self - stop watching TV.

Dramatic and paranoid.

I can now name adjectives about myself now like spatting off letters at a spelling bee. I think I will like to write these blogs simply to talk to myself. Hmm, another interesting thing – my conversation and thoughts are about myself. How lame! See? There’s another word AND another conversation with myself. And now I’m thinking that I am an exact genetic makeup of Papa, my 82-year old granddad. Greaaaaat! Since Nana died, he is learning to live by himself. He seeks comfort by listening to his own voice, whether it by in song or a simple conversation. Even on the phone, he’ll have a practice round of his scheduled hymn performance on Sunday and then he’ll just taaaalk, talk, talk talk talk! You can hear him talking and encouraging himself as he navigates the internet, or searches for his cell phone or trying to make it up the stairs. He also is a bit nutty, regardless of age, which makes this occurrence ok, and him, even more loveable. (fyi - papa is wonderful, I want to add. He has called me three time already since I moved! What a gem!)

So anyway living alone I take notice of myself more. I think these thoughts then review myself on why I was thinking that. Like, WHY am I so dramtic in thinking I could be a hoarder when that is SO not even close!?

.....

Today I think I know who I am but I bet you I will know a lot more come next year. And who is “you” by the way!!?!? That’s me talking to me, as usual. While typing this out I am also noticing that many of my little adjectives are negative. As a historically and outwardly positive person, this is thought provoking. Whatever the reason, be it insecurity, coping mechanism to the hoarding truth, or what have you, I ope that in the year from now, I will have more positive adjectives to use. Ooo! maybe words like smart, independent, noble... bi-lingual.

I would even be happy with words like cool, calm, and collected, …..

HA! Ok, Carole, don't get carried away! Except cool is already in the works after changing the” Current Location” on my Facebook Profile to Miami, Florida.

Whoop! Whoop!

Living By Yourself: Lesson One

Lesson One: Expect the Unexpected

Its interesting how things happen and its interesting to see how your life plays out. The foreshadowing recently has been amazing. For Mother’s Day, the family got together at the lake for the first time since all the new news. Jen points out that just a few weeks prior, Daddy had stated that he felt our lives were about to change. (I love to hear what my dad has to say. He doesn’t say too much with four other girls around but when he does, he’s very interesting. Eh, well he’s also corny, but what do you expect from a Dad?)Soon after his statement, I accepted a job transfer to Miami, Sallie graduated from UGA, found a dream job at the Spinal Center and moved home, and Jennifer was promoted to a new job at as a writer. I also guess, and dare I say, that she may be engaged within the year but who knows.

So Wow! My Dad was right…. a statement like that isn’t something you just say everyday! And does my dad have the gift of prophesy and I didn't know it?

Life is constantly moving forward, but this is the time when it seems we have been thrust into what should be 5 years from now. Just last week, I was making a late night run to Yoforia with the roommates while Sallie was in town and now here I am in an apartment by myself and a fancy-schmancy(ish)job title. Kel is engaged, Sar is buying a house with Tony, and Laur is on a “fertility plan”! When? How? What the heck has happened? I thought I just graduated from study sessions and after-parties!? I’m supposed to be touring the streets of downtown Athens and taking hikes to Stanford Stadium on Saturdays!

No, Carole. Jump ahead 5 years to today, except its literally only been a year and a half. Go to work and stop whining!


SO here I am in Miami. The sexy city of beaches, palm trees, and hoity-toity nightlife. After a tearful goodbye dropping off Mom at the airport in Ft. Lauderdale, I am back to my new apartment with no internet, no tv, and no friends. I sat down in the living room taking in the atmosphere and wondering what I should do next. So I sorted through the countertop clutter that had accumulated over the past week, grabbed a glass of wine, called the Fabs (only Laur answered), had another glass of wine, and took a nap (modernized/oversized wine glasses will get ya!). I then woke up and started the process over again. I sat up, looked around at my new home and wondered what I should do next….. (again: wine, nap, no idea what to do... wine)

Ok, ok, I literally say outloud to my somewhat furnished condo, maybe it’s time to pack up and go back to real life in Atlanta where I belong? Maybe I should snap out of this adult thing that has somehow greeted me with loneliness and vino and stop playing “Young Professional” – the term I constantly keep hearing for the area I chose to live in.

But NOPE! This is it! No turning back now. Smooth move, Car! What were you thinking? The only thing to occupy my mind is the fear of loneliness and strategizing what I can concoct for my next dinner guests to be arriving in no less than 14 weeks.

SO a few things I am thinking about while hashing out this first blog post in 6 months:

I am continuously amazed by how much putting my life in His hands is rewarding. I am thinking about how just a month ago, my only thoughts were how I was too stressed with work and I needed to start relying on my faith more. Talk about watching what you ask for! I have spent the past several months praying for a way that will allow me to rely solely on Him. Well, here you go, Carole! He responds with FINE, you’re shipped off to Miami to be by yourself and with no one to seek help from but Me.
Only HE is my companion. Only He can comfort me. Only He will keep me strong to live my life in a world without the one thing I need most, company.

Tonight starts the breaking point. I am cautiously excited to be broken, to be weak, to start over in my relationship with Jesus and to begin a new life trusting God’s plan. This is what I asked for and this is what I’m going to get. Hallelujah! Bring it on!

Anyone who reads this, pray for me!

6/4/2010

What Christmas does to me

Be still and know that I am God.

This is the statement that comes to mind as I get into bed for an afternoon nap after my half-day at work. The knowing that you are God part is easy. You have been my leader and saving grace since I could think. Why must there be a method in "how" we know that you are God. And why, then, does it seem to be the most difficult way? Difficult things seems to be a recurring theme among the scripture.

So this is me finally being still... Most of my Christmas shopping is finished, work won't resume for over a week, and the only plans ahead of me are this nap and visiting the Cowans, Kents, and Blackwells for our annual family-friends Christmas party tonight.

As my body sinks lower into my bed, I feel myself breathing deeper and slower. Stiller. Jen called in sick and will be bustling around the house to get herself organized. God, thank you for my family. You have truly blessed me for reasons beyond my understanding. I want to thank you for the opportunity to live with my sister and to learn who she is.

A thought: that being still allows for reflection, appreciation, and finally a time for heartfelt praise to you. The sentimental holiday season makes it a quicker process too.

I love you for being in control of my life so I don't have to. I am yours. Amen.



... just got an attitude from Jen. How ironic is THAT!?

12/22/2010

Wheew!!!

This is my one feeling after starting full time at the ADA. It's been almost two months since I began. I know this because it's three days until my 4th paycheck. It has been a while since my last blog post. This is why. With a 8-4:30 job plus an hour commute both ways, my days are limited. Especially during the weekends, which are my only social experiences, I am learning to fully take advantage. I feel like I have to take in every enjoyable moment of still being young, having free time, and hanging around people who don't give a crap about where the new location for the Tour de Cure is going to be or how the volunteer committee hierarchy is going to be planned out. Because I feel a sense of desperation to fully enjoy my weekends, I am in-turn, loosing sleep. This summer has been composed of a series of lake weekends and late nights in the Highlands. While I admit, it's a pretty sweet setup, I...am...exhausted! Sleep has become a last priority. As I have mentioned before, I have always been an avid extracurricular activist. On top of the fact that my job demands the occasional nights and weekends, I have also picked up a re-upholstery class at the local Joanns, committed to developing a golf handicap for next year's Father's Day Tournament, and signed on to be a 9th and 10th grade Sunday School teacher. Thank God that the Bachelorette season finale was last week! I feel like I am overwhelmed with things to do. TOnight is the first night when I have been able to come home after work, had nothing to do but have dinner with the family, turn on the first football game of the year (Baltimore vs Carolina), and take time to completely chill. ahh, feels good. I may even get to bed before 10!
I have discovered a few things about myself since being so ecompassed by the adult world: I literally need to talk. And not in a serious way - i need laughter and silliness and social time with people outside my office. I catch myself in coversation and spatting out sentences I'm not even aware of just because I seem to have the need for communication at all time. Hmm, it'll be interesting to see where THAT takes me!

8/12/2010